90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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