i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
