Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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