Swine flu. Run for my life!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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