I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
