It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize