and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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