Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
