Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
