Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
