These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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