every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
