we're blogging at a bar
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
