No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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