CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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