If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
