No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
