sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
