In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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