I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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