I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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