How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
