Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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