I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
