What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
