I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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