pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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