hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
