I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
