this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
