It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
