saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
