He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
