Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im six kinds of drunk right now
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize