Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
