and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
