oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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