The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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