Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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