You can't special order awesome
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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