covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
