I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
