somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
