if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
