Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
