God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize