Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
