I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
