if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
