if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
