i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
