THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
