NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
