All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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