I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
