I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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