I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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