Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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