and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
