i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
