What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
