Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
