A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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