yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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