She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
