He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
