with your own penis?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I deserve this hangover.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And then he peed in my hair
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