she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
