guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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