I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize