i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
