Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
