we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
