She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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