I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
